


I'm Okay Really

by flarrow_huntbastian



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Eating Disorders, Hurt Barry Allen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pain, Protective Oliver Queen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-05-20 14:42:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 7,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14896481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flarrow_huntbastian/pseuds/flarrow_huntbastian
Summary: Barry Allen had an issue. It was an accident, he knew it was. Then again, do you ever really develop an eating disorder on purpose?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a re-write of my story on fanfiction.net.
> 
> I hope you like it!!!!

“Mr Allen......?"  
"Allen.....?"  
"Mr. Allen?!?!”  
“I uh what?” Asked Barry sheepishly looking up to see Singh looking at him.  
“Have you finished the Melen Report yet?” He enquired with a stern face.  
“I... yes... here it is.” Barry handed a folder to Singh.  
Barry rubbed the back of his neck nervously as Singh started flipping through the report.  
He then looked up giving Barry a very disapproving look.  
“Barry this is shocking." Stated Singh.  
“What?” Asked Barry confused as to what was wrong with it.  
“It’s littered with so many errors. Now do it again. I want it by tonight”.  
Singh walked off.  
Great Barry thought. No lunch for me.

* * *

  
Half an hour later Joe walked into the lab.  
"Hey Bare," Said Joe, "You coming for lunch?" He asked.  
Barry didn't even look up from his computer.  
"I'm sorry Joe, I can't I've got to re-do a report for Singh." Replied Barry.  
"Okay," Said Joe, "Text me if you decide you want anything"  
"Thanks Joe," Said Barry smiling as Joe left, closing the lab door behind him.  
Barry sighed running his hand through his hair. He couldn't concentrate. His hair was slightly matted with sweat.  
The evening soon came around and Barry still wasn’t done. He was about to up and leave to get some food before Singh stopped him.  
“Where are you going?” He asked sternly.  
“I need to go and pick up something to eat. Then I’ll be right back to work.” Barry said quietly,  
“No. I said tonight. Now back to work. You can’t go until it’s done”.  
“But…”  
“No.”  
Barry sighed and walked upstairs. No dinner either he thought.

* * *

  
The next day followed a similar pattern. Barry was half awake at work. Singh asked him to re do a case file. Barry would go without lunch and then again without dinner.  
The day after was the same. Soon his week was the same. Then the month. It wasn’t long before he just didn’t feel hungry anymore so he didn’t really care that much. Eventually Singh started to lay off but even then Barry didn’t go back to eating normally. After another month of this he just stopped completely. He wasn’t hungry so why should he eat is what he told himself.

* * *

  
“Barry? Barry? Are you there?” Asked Cisco through the coms, “Barry? You’re vitals have spiked? Are you ok?”  
“Yeah, yeah I’m here,” Said Barry. He was leaning on a wall for support after almost fainting. But he was fine. He knew he was.  
“Ok. Good but get back here, I wanna run some test to be sure” said Caitlin through the coms.  
Barry was back there in under five seconds.  
“Barry…” Started Caitlin but she was quickly cut off by Barry falling to the floor unconscious.  
Caitlin got Barry into the med-bay and started running tests. It didn't take long for her to realise a drip was needed. Then after two or three more tests she realised the problem.

* * *

  
When Joe arrived, Caitlin had already told him the problem.  
“What have you done to yourself Barry?”  
“I wasn’t hungry Joe!? I wasn’t going to force myself. I didn’t feel right okay!”  
It hadn’t taken long for Caitlin to realise Barry hadn’t been eating, so she called Joe. Barry had only been up for an hour and him and Joe were already at it.  
“Well you should have!? Why? Why Barry!? What on Earth caused you to do this???”  
“I’m not doing this Joe!” Said Barry getting up and un-hooking himself from different machines.  
“No Barry, you don’t get to just walk away” said Iris from the other side of the room.  
“Why the heck not Iris!?”  
“Because you need help Barry!” Shouted Joe getting frustrated at the younger boy.  
“No. No I don’t. Joe Iris, I am fine. And if you can’t accept that then I can’t be around you right now”.  
Barry started to walk away but Caitlin stopped him. She gently laid an arm on Barry's shoulder.  
“Barry you need to lie down. You need help”.  
“No I don’t. Not from you or from anyone else.” Then Barry ran…. He just ran… He wasn’t sure where he was going…. He wasn’t sure why… He just ran fast and far.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .......... "I'll lie with you if you want?" ..........

“Barry… He….. Yes I know…… No no….. It’s fine…… Yes….. It’s not…. Ok…… Bye……”  
“How……. do…..”  
“He… he... ver….”  
“N… That… lp… NO!”  
That’s all Barry could hear… he slipped in and out of consciousness, capturing small samples of conversation between people. He recognised voices but he couldn’t quite place them.   
He felt someone take his hand. They squeezed it slightly, it was comforting. He felt them rubbing the back of his hand with their thumb, they didn’t let go. They just held his hand as he led there unable to move.

“B...ry Ba...y Barry…” Called a voice. It belonged to a man.   
Barry felt his mind begin to surface as he begged himself to answer. “Y.. ye… yes” slowly and drowsily he responded while trying to open his eyes.  
“Barry, you’re awake?” Asked the same voice.  
“Y… yes…” Barry once again responded slowly.  
“I need you to open your eyes for me Barry” Said a different voice. This time it belonged to a woman.  
“O... okay” Responded Barry sleepily, but he didn't move.  
“Please Barry, then you can go back to sleep,” replied the voice.  
Slowly Barry’s eyes fluttered open.  
“Hiya Barry” Said Felicity as Barry opened his eyes.  
Felicity shon a light in his eyes before taking note that they were both equally reactive. She then took a blood sample before deciding to unhook him from a few machines.  
“You can sleep now Barry” Said Felicity gently moving the pillow to make Barry more comfortable before leaving. This left Barry feeling confused. There was still a weight on his hand. Someone was holding it. Barry wanted to turn, to see who was holding his hand. He’s seen both of Felicity’s and yet still the person holding his hand never let go. Barry rolled over to see who it was. As he curled up on his side he saw the one and only Oliver Queen holding his hand.  
“Hi Barry…” Said Oliver smiling,  
“Hi…..” Barry started but it was obvious to Oliver that he was still so tired.  
“Sleep Barry” Oliver said gently running his hand through Barry’s hair.  
“Lie with me?” Asked Barry sleepily.  
Oliver knew Barry was tired, he probably didn’t know what he was saying but Oliver couldn’t say no. Carefully Oliver climbed onto the bed and led himself behind Barry and slowly he wrapped his arms around him.  
“Now sleep Barry?” Oliver said, he held Barry until he heard his even breathing. He was going to go but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.  
Just by holding him Oliver could feel Barry’s bones. He could clearly feel the ridges in his back and the shape of his ribs. It wasn’t long before Oliver too had fallen asleep.  
It only felt like five minutes when Oliver felt someone lay a hand on him.  
"Oliver, Oliver, Wake up..." Felicity was leaning over Oliver when he opened his eyes.  
Oliver realised where he was and slowly let go of Barry's small frame and stepped off the bed.  
"Hey.." Said Felicity,  
"Hi." Replied Oliver unsure of what to say.  
"I need to talk to you away from," Felicity nodded towards Barry.  
"Yes, of course."   
Oliver followed Felicity into another room away from Barry.  
"He needs help". Was all Felicity said. Oliver straight away knew she was right.  
"I know".  
"Oliver, we need to get Caitlin here".   
"No" hesitated Oliver,  
"Why not?" Asked Felicity.  
"Just, no."  
"Oliver, we don't know what we're doing. Barry's hardly normal. We need Caitlin" Felicity tried to explain.  
"No. Felicity."  
"Oliver, what do we do then? Seriosly, tell me?!"  
"Fe..." Oliver started but he was cut off.  
"Nothing." Said Barry. Both Oliver and Felicity turned to see Barry stood in the door way. He looked pale and clamy.   
"You do nothing. Guys I'm fine."  
"You are not fine" Said Felicity.  
"I am really," Barry tried.  
"Then tell me, Barry. How much do you weigh?" Asked Felicity firmly,  
"I uh.. I "  
"Barry?" Asked Oliver softly.  
"I... I don't know",  
"Barry?" Felicity tried again with no visible emotion.  
Barry swayed slightly on his feet before he started to lean on the door frame. He was still completely exhasted.  
"Barry you need help!" Said Felicity,  
"No. I don't"  
"Barry..."  
"I'll go. I'll run again. You can't keep me here. I'll leave. "  
Barry was clearly starting to panic.  
"Barry. Let us help you" Said Felicity still with no emotion.  
"No.. no no" Barry was visibly crying now "I'll run. I'll leave. I'm fine"  
"Okay," Said Oliver, "I know. I know. It's okay".  
Oliver slowly advanced on Barry, wrapping his arms around the crying boy. After a few minutes Oliver pulled back and rested his hands on Barry's shoulders.  
"Why don't I get you away from the base?" Barry just looked at the floor. "Lets go back to the mansion. Just you and I. We'll watch a movie or something. Just relax. Yeah?"  
Barry was silent but Oliver took that as a sign. Slowly Oliver put one arm across Barry's shoulders and walked him out to the car.  
Barry said nothing the whole way back to the mansion and once he was inside it didn't get much better.

The car pulled up outside the mansion and once they got out of the car, Barry and Oliver walked up the drive way and slowly made their way towards the house. When they finally reached the outside Barry froze suddenly.  
"Barry, what is it?" Asked Oliver a little concerned,  
"You said it would just be us" Said Barry starting to freak out.  
"I didn't know they'd be home, I'm sorry". Through the one of the large windows you could see Oliver's mum, Thea and Roy.  
"I can't do this. Not more people. No" Barry was now full blown panicking.  
"Barry, sh, Barry, it's okay. Lets go in and you don't have to stop and talk if you don't want to. Just go in and go straight up the stairs. You know which room is mine so just go straight there."  
"I.. I.."  
"Barry, I'll be right next to you. It's fine. You're fine. I promise, it'll be okay."  
Barry nodded shyly as Oliver put his arm around Barry, placing his hand on Barry's waist, pulling him close and in the spur of the moment Oliver placed a gentle kiss to the top of Barry's head before starting to walk him into the house.  
When they entered Thea instantly noticed them.  
"Hey Ollie!" She said excitedly before noticing the look of pure panic on Barry's face.  
"What's wrong?" Asked Thea concerned.   
Oliver turned to her and just mouthed not now, Thea nodded in understanding before turning back to Roy. Oliver and Barry continued up the stairs to Olivers room.  
They entered Oliver's room and Barry sat down on the bed and put his head in his hands. Oliver did a few odd bits before turning and noticing Barry the way he was.  
"Hey you okay?" Oliver asked a little concerned,  
"Yeah, yeah. I'm just tired." Responed Barry,  
"Why don't you lie down?" Suggested Oliver.   
Barry got up and was about to walk over to the small sofa in Oliver's room to lie down.  
"What are you doing?" Asked Oliver,  
"I'm going to lie down?"  
"Why not on the bed?" Asked Oliver confused,  
"I can't take your bed".  
"Please Barry. It's fine." Barry just nodded slightly, "Do you want change into more comfortable to sleep in?"  
"I don't have anything" Said Barry,  
"Here" Responded Oliver opening a draw and pulling out some sweats and a black v-neck top. "They may be a little big but atleast it's something."  
"T. Thank you" Barry stuttered slightly.  
Barry slowly pulled on the top and sweats, as he was doing this Oliver noticed how much his bones stuck out, and how pale his skin was.  
Barry was about to say something but he stopped himself. Oliver noticed this.  
"What?" Asked Oliver,  
"Oh, what? Nothing. Sorry" Said Barry,  
"No. It's okay. What?"  
"Can I possibly borrow a jumper or something? I'm freezing".  
"Sure. If you want, rather than just lying down, why don't you get into bed".  
Barry looked like he wanted to nod but he hesitated.  
"I'll lie with you if you want?"  
Barry gave a small smile before slowly climing into bed.  
Oliver and Barry decided on a film to put on the TV before, Oliver joined Barry in the bed.  
Barry was clearly shaking so Oliver wrapped his arms around the smaller boy and pulled him close and tight. From the first contact with Barry's skin, he knew how cold he was.  
It wasn't long before Barry stopped shivering and has fallen asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter!!!  
> I hope you all liked it, please remember to leave kudos and a comment!!!  
> \- FlarrowHuntbastian xoxo


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry feels upset after some news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long to post and that this is so short. I just had a burst of inspiration xoxo

When Barry woke up he found the bed cold and empty. He could have sworn that he'd dreamt ever entering the Queen Mansion the day before if it wasn't for the fact he was still in Oliver's sweats and his distinct smell in the sheets.  
Barry walked into the on suite bathroom and looked in the mirror. His hair was sticking up at all angles and his face was pale. In the corner of the mirror he saw the reflection of a scales. He knew he shouldn't, if Oliver caught him he'd be in trouble, he knew it. But he had to know, he needed to know if they had done anything to him when he was sleeping.  
He gingerly moved towards the scale, taking a deep breath before stepping on. Not noticing he was holding his breath slightly as he waited for the dial to stop on a number. When he saw the number he felt a slight burning rage, upset with him self. He stepped off the scale quickly, throwing his weight and punching the nearest wall, shattering a mirror that hung upon it. He felt tears falling from his eyes. His head hurt, he was upset with himself. He weighed 152 before they found him, before they found out but now, now he weighed 159. He looked in the shattered remains of the mirror and all he could see was fat. He ripped off the shirt throwing it across the room letting out a cry in pain. He could feel the fat, dripping off his body. He reached down pinching it, pulling it. Like he was trying to rip it off his body.  
He was so lost in his own world that when he felt strong arms wrap around him pulling him into a tight embrace and restraining him from hurting himself he barely acknowledged who it was. He just kicked and screamed and cried. He tried to get away.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .......... "What are you in the mood for?" Asked Oliver,  
>  "I told you, I'm really not hungry," Replied Barry. ..........

"Bare, please calm down..." Asked Oliver gently, still keeping a firm grip on Barry so he couldn't hurt himself.  
Barry continued to kick as Oliver tried to calm him.  
"Please Barry.."   
Finally Barry calmed down a bit and stopped kicking. Oliver slowly released his grip on Barry, being careful not to let him hurt him or himself.   
"What happened Bare?" Asked Oliver, turning Barry so he could see his face.  
"I uh... What did you do to me while I was under?" Asked Barry with tears still falling from his eyes.  
"What do you mean?" Oliver was confused at Barry's question.  
"What did Caitlin do? Do you know or did Felicity do it? What did you do Oliver?" Barry felt more tears stinging his eyes.   
"Nothing, Barry, what's wrong?" Asked Oliver wiping away Barry's tears with the pad of his thumb.  
Barry looked down at his hands. Oliver followed his gaze and saw the cuts on his fist. He then looked just behind Barry at the broken mirror and the scales. He couldn't work it out. What was wrong with... The. Scales.  
"Oh... shit. Bare. Did you use the scales?" Asked Oliver.  
"I... I uh... Oliver no... I..." Lied Barry before Oliver cut him off.  
"Don't lie to me Barry," Said Oliver sternly pulling up Barry's head to look him in the eye. "Did you use them Barry?" He asked again but more softly this time.  
"Y... yes... " Stammered Barry.  
"Oh Bare... How much?" Enquired Oliver, Barry just looked uncomfortable, "I know this is uncomfortable for you. If you don't want to tell me I can look at the weight history on the scale. I'll do it when your not around if you want but either way I need to know Barry." Explained Oliver, trying to be gentle.  
"159..." Muttered Barry quietly but Oliver heard him.  
"Barry that's not good," Replied Oliver,  
"It's not exactly underweight," Claimed Barry,  
"Technically not, no but for you Barry it's not good."  
"144 would be underweight" Stated Barry,  
"Yes I know that Barry," Said Oliver slightly surprised Barry knew that, "Look Barry, when you woke up you were ranging between 169 and 179 and even then you could stand to gain a few pounds." Oliver tried to be gentle,  
"I just, please Oliver. I was 152 before Caitlin found me." Oliver's face fell. He now knew what Barry meant when asking what had been done to him. "I.. How did I.... I became.... I'm fat Oliver. I was fat then and I'm fatter now. What did they do to me Ollie?" Asked Barry getting more upset. Oliver was taken back by how small Barry sounded when he referred to him as 'Ollie'.  
"I... I don't know Bare..." Said Oliver after a few moments of silence. "I know, I didn't do anything. And I'm pretty certain Felicity didn't but I can't be one hundred percent sure... My guess is that Caitlin may have given you a sugar water solution in an IV when you were out earlier..."   
Barry's face fell slightly. Well even more, if that's possible.  
"Wh... Why would she do that?" Asked Barry, "I... I don't get it".  
"I don't know.." Lied Oliver carefully. Of course Oliver knew exactly why Caitlin did it but he wasn't going to tell Barry that just yet and luckily Barry believed him. They both sat in silence as Oliver attended to Barry's cut up hand.  
"Why don't you get dressed Barry? Then we can go and have breakfast."   
"Ollie I'm really not that h..."  
"No Barry, you haven't eaten anything since you left STAR Labs... You're eating breakfast. It doesn't have to be much but please eat something. Okay?" Asked Oliver.  
Barry nodded slowly.  
"Good okay. Come on."

Oliver handed Barry the jeans and shirt he had been wearing the day before. He'd had them cleaned.  
"Um.. Is my... Is my sweater anywhere?" Asked Barry nervously.  
"I think it's still drying. Why? It's boiling in here." Replied Oliver,  
"Oh... Okay... Yeah" Said Barry un-surely,  
"Barry, be honest with me. Are you cold?" Barry nodded slowly. "Do you want a sweater?"  
"I.. Yes... Please.." Replied Barry.  
Oliver dug in a draw and pulled out a sweater.  
"Honestly it's one Thea bought me after I got back from the island but it was about ten times too small so, it should fit you." Said Oliver handing the article of clothing to Barry.  
Oliver took note of how, even on his small frame the sweater appeared to be about three sizes too big.  
The two went down into the kitchen.  
"What are you in the mood for?" Asked Oliver,  
"I told you, I'm really not hungry," Replied Barry,  
"Fine. Eggs it is then." Said Oliver smiling at Barry and much to his surprise he managed to get a smile back. It wasn't a big one but at least it was something.  
There was still a long way to go, it was only the beginning of the journey. Oliver knew it wasn't going to be easy, but that small smile from Barry was enough to give him hope for a brighter future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!! :)))


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver sets some ground rules and terms for Barry

As Oliver set to work cooking Barry took a seat at the table in the kitchen. He was brought out of his day dreams when a plate and glass were set infront of him.  
When he looked at the plate there were scrambled eggs upon it.  
"I... Oliver this is too much." Complained Barry,  
"Please Barry, you've just, just try okay?" Insisted Oliver. "Oh I almost forgot" Said Oliver getting up and going into one of the cupboards. "Pain killers. For your hand."  
"Thank you" Replied Barry, taking the painkillers from Oliver.  
He quickly threw his head back and took the pain killers, with a sip of water. Then he got the fork and picked up a small amount of eggs before chewing it slowly.  
Five minutes later Oliver saw that Barry still hadn't swallowed it.  
"Swallow Barry." Said Oliver with a stern hint to his voice.  
Barry looked up, not making eye contact. He swallowed cringing slightly as he did so.  
"Barry, we need to talk about this okay." Said Oliver,  
"Yes.. I know." Replied Barry,  
"Barry, I want to help you." Said Oliver carefully, "But I need to know exactly how bad this is. This morning when I woke up I did some research and came up with a plan."  
Barry looked a little shocked at how Oliver had taken authority like this   
"So here's what we're going to do." Continued Oliver, "Starting now you will be coming to work with me, and I'm going to watch over you. Everyday you will drink three of these." Oliver walked over to a cupboard and pulled out a small bottle. "It's up to you when you have them but you have to drink three."  
"What are they?" Asked Barry cautiously,  
"They're like protein shakes. Its just a blend of different vitamins and stuff. Okay?" Replied Oliver, not telling Barry the amount of calories in it.  
"Oh-um... okay" Responded Barry.  
"Now at meals you can plate up what you like, how little or how much you want but what ever you put on your plate you must eat with no excuses. And if I think you should be eating more you will drink another of these protein shakes. Okay?" Explained Oliver.  
Barry nodded slowly.  
"Okay? Barry I need you to say it's okay." Pushed Oliver,  
"I... Yes.. Okay." Replied Barry.  
"Bare what's wrong?" Asked Oliver.  
"I.. It just seems like a lot." Said Barry,  
"I know. And we're going to take it slow. To start off I'll allow some smaller portions and we'll work up to bigger ones."  
Barry nodded and agreed to Oliver's terms.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie has a realisation.

Two months later Barry was back in Central. Oliver had dropped him off with some strict instructions. Barry had them written down just to be sure. The first was that he had to be honest, if he needed help, if he didn't want to eat or was feeling nervous about it he had to call Oliver. The second was that at two o'clock and seven o'clock everyday Oliver would call him, to check up and see how he was doing. The third was that he had to keep a journal of exactly what he had eaten and drunk that day.  
Barry found it strange going back to work. He hadn't seen Joe in ages and Singh knew what happened since he'd been off work for so long, but everyone else just knew it was sick leave.  
"Good to have you back Allen."  
"Hope you're all better!"  
"We would have sent a card but we didn't know where to."  
Those were the sorts of things Barry heard all day.   
After a few weeks things were pretty much back to normal. Oliver had relaxed a bit and changed the rules slightly for him. Now Oliver only called once every few days. Also it wasn't the end of the world if he didn't keep a diary, so long as when Oliver called he could say some of what he'd eaten. Barry still had to call Oliver if he was struggling.  
After a few more weeks Oliver had almost completely backed off. That was when things once again took a turn for the worst.  
Barry was sat in his office when Eddie walked in.  
"Hey Bare! Have you finished the report?" Asked Eddie,  
"I yes here it is." Barry got up to get the file.   
As he stood up he felt a bit weak at the knees. He pushed forward towards the cabinate. His head started spinning. When he tripped Eddie was there next to him in an instant.  
"Hey, why don't you take a seat." Said Eddie gently walking Barry over to his desk chair. "Are you okay?"   
"Yeah. I just, I got up too fast." Replied Barry, brushing Eddie off.  
"It could be low blood sugar." Eddie reached into his pocket and pulled out a cerial bar. "Here eat this."  
Eddie forced it into Barry's hand.  
"No. I'm fine. I'm really not hungry."   
"Barry. You need to eat something. It will help with the dizziness."  
"It's fine. Really."  
"Barry.... "  
Eddie stopped mid sentence thinking over things.  
"I haven't seen you eat anything all day, you haven't left your lab."  
"I'm fine Eddie." Replied Barry. "I'm just a little stressed and so I'm not so hungry."  
Eddie took a minute to think again.  
"Anorexia" Muttered Eddie,  
"What?" Asked Barry, turning in his chair to look at Eddie.  
"You're anorexic." Stated Eddie.  
"Eddie look I.." Started Barry.  
"You're anorexic Barry." Eddie said again stepping closer to Barry.  
"Eddie I'm not... It's not what you think." Said Barry brushing him off and walking over to a filing cabinate.  
"N... No sit down." Said Eddie fighting with Barry and guiding him back to the chair. "I'm pretty sure it is what I think. You get antsy at meals... When Joe goes to get lunch you don't go with him, he doesn't bring anything back for you, you don't go to get anything and you don't bring food with you. Come to think of it I don't think I've ever seen you eat, except for when Oliver's showed up with stuff for you." Explained Eddie. "And when Iris and Joe cook for family night, your're never there... and when you are you claim you've already eaten. Then you dissapear after fainting at a crime scene and when you come back two months later Oliver Queen is calling you after every meal and looking over your every move."  
"Eddie please... lets not..."   
"No Barry, lets. You are sooo thin. You wear these shirts and thick sweaters like you're trying to hide it. Like if you're wearing all of these layers no one is going to know the truth."  
"What truth?" Asked Barry confused.  
"That you don't eat... Barry it's like you're trying to hide the fact you are so small the wind could blow you away but it's not working. You look like you might break. Barry... You look sick... I mean... You are sick."  
"Eddie, not here okay..."  
"No. Here is better than any where else. This is the only place I see you since you hide from everyone. When you're not in work you're locked away doing whatever it is you do. And it's not okay. Does Iris know?"  
"Look Eddie, Stop..."  
"OF COURSE SHE DOESN'T!" From the look on Barry's face something clicked in Eddie's mind. "She think's you're better... Let me guess Joe does too... But you're not. I'm not keeping you're secret for you Barry. You are getting help. I don't care if you want it or not. You probably don't realise this but you are KILLING YOURSELF! This could do irriversable damage to your organs if you don't get help. Come on Barry you need to..."  
"I KNOW GOD DAMN IT! You think I don't know I'm killing myself Eddie! You think I don't know what damage I'm doing. Do you seriously think seriously think you telling me how it is, is going to make any difference. News flash, it changes NOTHING. I know I'm messed up. And you telling me thinks I already know is stupid. Now leave me alone Eddie."  
"Barry I'm not leaving..."  
"GET THE FUCK OUT!"  
"I'm not going anywhere" Said Eddie standing his ground.  
"LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE AND GET OUT OF MY FUCKING LAB!" Shouted Barry standing up and pointing at the door.  
After that display of anger Eddie left Barry's lab, gently closing the door behind him. Joe was waiting outside the lab.  
"What was that all about?" Asked Joe,  
"Barry. He's... uhh... we had an argument a few days ago. We just spoke about things and he got a bit upset." Replied Eddie, being carefuly how he worded things.  
"Should I go and speak to him?" Asked Joe.  
"Oh no. Really, don't worry. The argument was just stupid. Its fine." Replied Eddie walking away.  
When Eddie closed the door Barry lost it. Swiping everything on his desk to the floor. He then sat back in the chair letting the tears fall freely.  
He didn't know how long he'd been there whe his phone rang.  
He sluggishly pressed the answer button.  
"Hey Barry?" Asked Oliver. The sound of concern thick in his voice. "I'm at your apartment. Where are you?"  
"T..the presinct" Stuttered Barry.  
"Bare are you okay?" Asked Oliver.  
Barry left more tears fall. Oliver could clearly hear the sobs.  
"Bare, I'm on my way."  
No more then fifteen minutes Barry heard the door to his lab open and he felt himself pulled into a tight embrace.  
Barry let himself sob into Olivers shirt.  
"I'm sorry Ollie.. I tried... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry.." Muttered Barry.  
"Its okay Bare." Said Oliver, "It was too much too soon... I should have known this would happen"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave kudos and a comment!!! xoxo


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a note from my friend : Hi Lizzie, From Marina - Unicorns 

Barry screamed out in pain causing Oliver to worry more and more.

“Barry are you hurt anywhere?” Asked Oliver concerned.

There was no answer but Oliver got all the response he needed when Barry gripped his chest tightly.

Something was terribly wrong.

 

**48 hours earlier**

 

Oliver was at the desk in Barry’s room thinking about the events of that day. How could he not notice that Barry was still struggling again. He called him every other day, he was gaining weight. Did Barry really become that good of a liar? Really?

Barry was asleep in his bed. He was exhausted. Oliver knew he would have to talk to Barry. It really hurt him that Barry would lie to him like that. He was slightly disappointed in Barry but he was more worried.

Oliver turned in his chair to look at Barry when he heard a phone buzz. The meta human alarm was blaring.

Barry woke up quickly jumping out of bed.

“Woah Barry. Sit down” said Oliver trying to slow down and take a breath.

Barry stopped looking confused.

“I need to go Oliver. There a meta.”

Oliver tried to stop him but before he could Barry was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry arrives at STAR Labs to help fight a meta human.

Barry ran into the Cortex, sliding to a stop, sending papers flying everywhere.

“Barry!?” Asked Caitlin surprised, “What are you doing here?”

It was then Cisco walked over.

“The meta alert went off, so I came?” Replied Barry confused,

“Yeah but, is Oliver okay with this?” Asked Cisco.

“Yeah.” Lied Barry, “He said I’m ready”.

Caitlin was about to check when the alarms started blaring in the cortex. There was an intruder. There was no time to check so she just had to trust Barry, after all. Why would he lie?

 

Barry hurried to get into the flash suit, while Caitlin and Cisco ran to the monitors, pulling up the security feed and floor plans of Star labs so they could find out who was in there and track them.

When they finally got the screens up, they saw a man walking through the halls, almost at the cortex. Before Caitlin and Cisco could react Barry yelled “Guys I’ll hold him back while you come up with a plan” and then he was gone.

Cisco turned to the screens and saw Barry with the bad guy. It looked like it was going well until the lights flickered.

“Barry?” Called Cisco confused.

“Cisco get the lights back on!” Yelled Caitlin.

Cisco set to work with the cables trying to find the right one.

Finally the lights came up but Barry and the intruder were gone.

 

———————

 

Oliver got on his bike and rode to star labs as fast as he could. He tried calling Cisco and Caitlin on his was but no one answered.

Finally when he arrived he walked into the lobby to find it dimly lit.

“Barry!” He called out “Cisco, Caitlin?”

There was no reply so he pushed on. Walking to the lift. When he pressed the button there was no sound like there usually was and the lights on it weren’t on.

Oliver knew something was wrong. He ran over to the stairs. Running up them as fast as he could. He now opted to stay quiet in case he needed his element of surprise.

When he got to the floor the cortex was on he walked down the corridor keeping an eye out, looking out for anything wrong.

When he came to the cortex he looked in to find no one in there. He walked in further but it was empty. The lights were flickering and the screens were on but it was empty.

“Put up your hands! Unless you wanna get shot!”

Oliver turned slowly to see Caitlin and Cisco stood there holding what looked like a very high tech gun to his back.

“Oliver?” Asked Caitlin,

“Yes! It’s me.” Replied Oliver gruffly.

“Oh god. I’m glad. I couldn’t shoot you even if I wanted to.” Started Cisco, “this is just the hoover.”

Oliver ignored Cisco and turned to Caitlin.

“Where’s Barry?” He asked,

“He came to fight the meta but there was an intruder.” Explained Caitlin.

“Why on earth would you let him?” Asked Oliver.

“He said you cleared him?” Asked Cisco.

From the face Oliver pulled Caitlin managed to put two and two together.

“He lied.” She said quietly to no one in particular.

Oliver just nodded.

“He is no where near ready.” Stated Oliver.

 

————————

 

Barry noticed when the lights started flickering. Or was it just his eyes, he could tell. He soon worked it out when the dizziness hit. He shook it off quickly before pushing forward at the intruder.

“Flasshh...” He snarled, baring his teeth.

Barry took note of his sharp, almost canine like teeth.

“I’m glad you came..” the intruder spoke slowly pronouncing every letter.

“Who are you?!” He asked keeping his voice steady as the world around him began to sway more.

“I’m your worst nightmare Flasshhh” snarled the intruder. “My name is C...c...o...e” Before the villain could finish Barry felt his mind fading, the light dimming and his thoughts slowing.

He felt a sharp pain coursing through his veins. Travelling up his neck to his head. It started as a dull head ache but quickly became agonisingly painful. It felt like his scull was being ripped apart.

 

——————

 

Caitlin and Cisco stayed in the cortex trying to work out where Barry was. They checked over all of the systems and looked at all of the security footage.

Meanwhile Oliver suited up as the Arrow and started to wander the halls of STAR labs, checking every room for any sign of Barry or the intruder.

It quickly became apparent to the trio that the intruder was no longer in the building, but it also became clear that neither was Barry.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver tries to save Barry but is he too late to save him from himself.

Barry tried to roll over to find that his wrists were chained down. His chest hurt and his head was in complete agony. He opened his eyes to see a man looking over him. It was the intruder. He was holding a small but sharp knife.   
"W...what do you plan to do to me?" Asked Barry scared.  
The man didn't reply but instead brought the knife down on Barry's arms leaving long trails of cuts up and down them. Barry screamed out in pain until he blacked out completely.  
The next thing he remembered was shouting and someone picking him up, the smell filling his nostrils was familiar, almost comforting.

  
\--------------------------

  
Barry screamed out in pain causing Oliver to worry more and more.  
“Barry are you hurt anywhere?” Asked Oliver concerned.  
There was no answer but Oliver got all the response he needed when Barry gripped his chest tightly.

  
Something was terribly wrong.

  
\-----------------------------

  
Barry felt tears slipping from his eyes as a burning sensation filled his heart. It felt like in the blink of an eye he was lying in what looked like a hospital bed. Someone was talking to him. There were lots of people. He knew the faces. He swore it. But what were their names. He felt so stupid and trying to think of their names only made his headache work.  
A girl with long dark hair was crying. She was being hugged by an older man who she shared resemblance with. A boy with longish hair in a Star Wars top was pacing back and forth the small room looking worried. A buff man with cropped blonde hair and deep blue eyes was sat next to him holding his hand looking sad. Barry couldn't name these people, he knew them, he had to. Why else would they be there?  
Another woman entered, she had brown hair, she had a solemn expression on her face. Everyone seemed to take an interest in her. She spoke carefully and gently to the group.  
"His organs are failing." She said. "His metabolism has slowed down too much for even a normal person." She continued. "I don't know if I can save him. I'm really sorry."  
The woman choked up running out, being quickly followed by the boy in the Star Wars top.  
The older man spoke next. He was adressing the younger girl.  
"Come on baby. Let's give Oliver some time alone with Barry."   
He and the girl left slowly. The man giving Barry one last heartbroken look before going completely out of sight.  
Oliver, I know that name, was all Barry throught as the lights faded. He could hear talking off in the distance but it soon faded out.  
Is this it? He finally knew what was going on. He had caused so much heart ache and pain for the ones he cared about. Maybe it's just better this way. Now no one will hurt.   
He liked the calm feeling that flooded his bones and the pain left his body. He felt relaxed as one last tidal wave of energy burst through his limbs before leaving his body still and quiet.


	10. The Final Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath.

Barry saw bright lights. He was in a white room. A woman walked in who Barry recognised instantly. And unlike everyone else he knew her name instantly.

“Mom...” He said quietly under his breath.

“Oh my beautiful boy” She said stepping forward and placing a hand on his cheek.

He felt tears fall, he could speak. He tried but he couldn’t.

“What happened Bare?” She asked gently.

“I... I don’t know Mom...” cried Barry.

She reached in and hugged him tightly, Barry closed his eyes, taking in the sweet smell of his Moms perfume.

When Barry opened his eyes he was alone in the room.

There was a loud sound of someone yelling. A young man ran in, he must have been maybe twenty.

“Barry?” He asked coming forward. Barry knew that voice.

“It’s Oliver.” He said.

“Oliver? I... I... where are the scars?” Asked Barry confused.

Then he knew. This was pre-island Oliver. The play-boy who died on the island. The man who didn’t care for anyone or anything.

“Barry you look thinner? Are you eating okay?” He asked.

Barry sat on the bed and cried. Even that version of Oliver cared for him.

Oliver sat down on the bed next to Barry.

“Look at me Bare.” Said Oliver reaching out to Barry, gently pulling Barry’s gaze to his.

“You are perfect, and amazing and I everything I could never be. I may not be there in this form, but I’ll be there in another form. And that version loves you more than you could know. He may not say it but he does.” Said Oliver. “You have time Barry and you will get through this.”

Barry was suddenly feeling extremely tired.

He decided to lie down on the bed. When he did Oliver tucked him in.

“It’s time to wake up Barry.” Was all he said.

Oliver felt his eyes slip closed and when he opened them again he was face to face with Oliver. Only this time it was his Oliver.

Barry sat up quickly, startling Oliver.

“Barry?” He asked,

“I’m sorry Ollie” He said gently, “I love you so much. And I am so sorry.” Barry was cut off from his rambling by Oliver connecting his lips to his.

Barry and Oliver talked until Caitlin came in, insisting on running tests on Barry. She did the full works. She refused to let him walk anywhere so when she needed to get him into one of the other rooms, Oliver carried him. Finally the tests were done and Barry was allowed to take a shower and get changed. He still felt extremely weak and so Oliver was with him, helping him through it all.

For the first time in months, when Barry looked in the mirror while getting changed, he saw how his bones stuck out, how pale and ashen his skin was and how sick he really looked.

Oliver was stood just outside the small room in case Barry needed him. When Oliver heard Barry’s sobs he came in instantly. He wrapped his arms around him and just held him. Barry had finally hit rock bottom. The lowest of the low and Oliver knew that was a good thing.

Oliver knew that from here Barry would only go up. And that’s what happened.

Six months later and although Barry wasn’t allowed to run as the flash just yet, he and Oliver were married and Barry had almost reached all of his targets.

They were happy and although it had been tough and Oliver knew it wouldn’t always be easy and he would have bad days, Barry genuinely loved Oliver and Oliver loved him. And that’s all that matters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading. Especially ErinJupiter. Your comments really keep me going and always made me smile.   
> Also thank you to some friends from school, Marina, Rosie and Saba for reading, I usually keep my account anonymous to everyone but I’m glad you read and enjoyed my story.  
> Once again. Thank you all for reading xxx

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked this. Thank you for reading.  
> \- FlarrowHuntbastian xoxo


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